


Is This The Real Life..

by Gauky1976



Category: Queen (Band)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-15 21:36:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17536697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gauky1976/pseuds/Gauky1976
Summary: Six months have passed since Brian's world came crashing down around him. He wonders if life is really worth living and whether those who love him would be better off without him.





	1. Six Months Later

**Author's Note:**

> It's a well-known fact among Queen fans that after Freddie's death in 1991, Brian May fell into a deep depression and contemplated suicide. Thankfully, he stepped back from the edge and got the help he so desperately needed. 
> 
> This is my take on those dark days.
> 
> WARNINGS: Mentions suicide and depression.

It had been six months since my best friend, brother and band mate Freddie Mercury died from complications arising from AIDS and left the world and those closest to him reeling from the loss---six months since the world changed so profoundly for Roger, Deacy and I.

Another endless night of nightmares tear me from the rest and sleep my exhausted mind and body needs so desperately. Desperate screams tear from my throat, leaving me tangled in the bedclothes, gasping for air. I reach for someone, someone who is always just standing out of reach with their back to me. But my hand drops before I can touch them and they are gone.

I want to scream at the world that he’s gone and I hate it! We had so much more to do! I want to scream at the world that they didn’t really know Freddie, not like the way I....we...did. But what’s the bloody point? The Press will write what they want---usually, a pack of lies and the public will devour it like vultures.

So life goes on without him. But I’m not sure how much longer I can go on without him. I'm drowning and I'm not sure I can keep swimming for much longer.


	2. "He's Gone"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With his world shaken to its core, Brian wonders how life can go on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Major character death mentioned

"He's gone." No perfunctory greeting. No cheerful salutation. Two words, not spoken above a whisper, that brought my tenuous grip on sanity that much closer to snapping for all time.

The phone drops from my hand and I feel the air sucked from my lungs as my mind scrambles to make sense of those two simple words. "He's gone. He's gone."

"Oh my God noooo!!" I moan as I feel my knees buckle and I fall to the ground sobbing harshly. How can the man who was always so much larger than life be taken away from us by this damn disease? How can the man who was so much more to me than just a bandmate be gone just like that?

I feel a small pair of arms wrap around me as I feel the tears fall from my eyes and am only somewhat aware that Anita is holding me as I try to break free from her grasp. She was a small woman but what she lacked in size, she made up for in a fierce inner strength and a ten-mile wild protective streak for those she loves. I struggle all the harder but her grip around my waist increases.

"Let me go! Please just let me go." I scream as I struggle.

"No! Never! You're not dealing with this alone. I won't let you. I love you." She holds me tighter as I continue to sob for the man I not only called friend and bandmate but the man I called brother.

What the hell do I...we...do now?


End file.
